Relationships Matter - a guide for practitioners

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Relationships within families matter and are important for wellbeing, development and life chances.

When disagreements are poorly resolved and/or happen frequently, they can turn into conflict. Whether parents are together or separated, the way they communicate can impact on their children.

Bradford Council have partnered with 14 other Councils across Yorkshire and the Humber Region to help families who may be having relationship difficulties. Part of this work is to provide signposting and guidance to the public on strategies to deal with conflict and to various sources of support, according to need.

The partnership also identifies the important role practitioners play in identifying affected families and guiding them to appropriate support.

Relationships Matter Training

To ensure families are being supported appropriately, Bradford Children and Families Trust are offering three courses to both internal and external practitioners:

Relationships Matter Awareness and Signposting Training (virtual)

This 2 hour session provides an introduction to what parental conflict is and its impact on children. It will increase practitioners' knowledge of the free online courses available to parents, and give them the confidence to signpost towards those courses when appropriate.

Relationsips Matter Toolkit training

This 3 hour training session is for anyone who works directly with families to provide support and signposting. The course will help practitioners understand the difference between parental conflict and domestic abuse, and its impact on children. On completion of this course, practitioners will receive a free, family friendly toolkit containing lots of resources to help families who need more extensive help.

Relationships Matter Toolkit Refresher

This 1.5 hour course is for practitioners who have already completed the Toolkit training and would like a refresher. The session will revisit some of the key themes and messages and ways to support parents.

The self-reporting questionnaire

The family relationships self-reporting questionnaire should be completed before and after you support a family.

The questions should be answered based on the current situation, not specifically on the day you see the parent but how things have been over the last few weeks. For example, if there has been an argument that day, the questions might be answered differently, therefore it is important to think about how they feel generally.

When completing the questionnaire

You might want to make notes in the relevant boxes of anything mentioned which you can follow up on during your support.

Distinguishing conflict from domestic abuse

The controlling and oppressive nature of domestic abuse means that we could cause survivors harm if we begin RPC work without first ruling out domestic abuse and sexual violence.

Identifying domestic abuse

Look for these presenting issues:

Day-to-day unresolved and unresolvable conflicts
A clearer 'victim' and 'abuser'
Clear 'abuser' and 'victim' who is at significant risk of harm
Children being adversely/significantly adversely affected
Children may show signs of distress and their mental health/behaviour may/and/or be affected
Children at risk of significant harm, children being traumatised

On identifying these issues:

Follow the domestic abuse/sexual violence pathway - for more support and information visit Bradford DASV
Complete a MARAC referral if appropriate or seek advice if unsure

Families who need advice and signposting

If you observe that:

The parental relationship is respectful, equal, co-operative and happy
The relationship has tricky moments
Children are experiencing constructive resolution of any arguments, characterised by mutual respect and emotional control

These support services and resources might help:

Relationship matters
Arguing Better- an online course to help parents communicate better with each other
Getting it Right For Children - for separated or separating parents, focussed on managing conflict and minimising the impact on children (NB - see also the downloadable GIRFC cards below)
The fyi Services Directory
The fyi Relationships Matter page

Getting it Right For Children cards

Relationship experts Oneplusone have produced five Getting it Right For Children cards that can be printed and given to separated parents/carers. Each card focuses on a different theme:

Keep Calm - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu
See it differently - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu
Speak for yourself - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu
Negotiate - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu
Work it out - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu

Families who need help

If you observe that:

The parental relationship is mostly respectful, equal, co-operative but experiencing difficulty
There is a lack of open and honest communication
Difficulties are minimised, not recognised or addressed
Children are beginning to be affected by conflict between their parents

These actions, support services and resources might help:

Consider if an Early Help Assessment is required. The process for this can be found on our Level 2 Universal Partnership Plus page.
One Plus One digital courses - Arguing Better, Getting it right for children, Me, you and baby too, debt and relationships
Relation Kit - mindfulness exercises, videos of parents in conflict with observations of how they could have done things differently and printable message cards to look at in times of difficulty.
Parenting courses available through Bradford fyi
FYI website and Services Directory for self-guided resources and details of other agencies that can support with factors contributing to conflict
Getting On Better resources from Oneplusone - see below

Getting On Better cards from Oneplusone

This pack of eight cards were developed by relationship experts Oneplusone. They are designed to be printed and given to parents/carers to help them think about their relationship in a new way, with ideas on how to reduce tension and arguments. Parents/carers can look through the cards and follow the suggestions either together or separately.

There are six cards for couples:

Stages and changes of relationships - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu
Arguments are like fire - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu
Conflict styles - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu
The Magic Ratio - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu
Better communication - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu
Harmful and helpful arguments - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu

and two cards for separated parents:

Parent roles for separated parents - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu
Child roles for separated parents - also in Arabic, Gujarati, Polish, Ukrainian and Urdu

Families who need more extensive/goals-based help

If you observe that:

The relationship is conflictual, non-communicative but non-violent
Conflict is frequent, intense and poorly resolved
Conflict can consist of criticism, contempt for one another, defensiveness and deliberately ignoring (stonewalling)
Parents are emotionally unavailable to their partner and/or children
There is a lack of consistency in parenting
There is a feeling of isolation
There is a toxic atmosphere
Parents are unable to break the cycle of these challenging behaviours without support
Children are being adversely affected

These actions, support services and resources might help:

If you have undertaken an Early Help Assessment and have ruled out domestic abuse, you might want to consider a referral for family support. Details on how to do this can be found on our Level 3 Targeted Support page.
Consider a parenting referral after improvements in the couple relationship
One Plus One intervention undertaken alongside support from a professional
Using the Relationships Matter toolkit (obtained by completing the RM toolkit training)
6 structured sessions on Relationships Matter